8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you made out with another girl for some wings
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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