Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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