maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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