I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
