My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You are the jesus of drinking
I am naked and annoyed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
