We need to rekindle our bromance
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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