I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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