I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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