I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
