Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
