I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
