FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
