I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
