So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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