I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I need a burrito and a hug.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
