high people should be assigned attendants
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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