please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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