Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize