just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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