just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
