Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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