I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
