Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
