Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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