I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
