I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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