the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
