He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
