Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
