I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
