absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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