My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
