I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
