The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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