YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize