you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
