he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
