is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
