i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
