I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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