I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
