Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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