i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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