My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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