My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
