If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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