that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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