Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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