We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
