My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
