Banned from zoo.
Again?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize