Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
