My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
