Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
