I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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