quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
