is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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