I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
