Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm passing your future prison.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
