somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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