I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
