win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
