Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
