I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
