We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
