sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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