Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
